Some days I hate the shortsightedness of others.

[waterspyder]

I am an officer in St. John Ambulance, I got my Officer's Warrant at 18, and have completed 9 years of service with them. They want me to upgrade my training, which is great, but I cannot physically sit in a classroom for 8 hours a day to do the certification. I asked my Superintendant what accomodations she could make for this. She told me she would wait until I got better to have me take it.

Better?

I hate to say it, but I'm not getting better.
(Let's ignore the fact that if I had two days in a row where I felt good enough to sit through a course liek that, that is NOT how I would be spending it)

I am sick. I am very sick. I will be sick for the rest of my life. I may have good days, and I will have bad days, and as pessimistic as it seems, I am not getting better. I can only hope that after each bout or flare, I will return to at least the previous level of "health" that I had. I am a realist, and I really truly wish that people would stop saying things liek "When you get better"

There is no better, there is the way I am, which I can only convey to most of you is a way that many people would not be able to cope, and I'm not even doing a great job with it, but I'm doing wht I can.

All I ask is that people understand that I have limitations. I look well and I push myself too far some days to try and pretend that I'm like everyone else, but I'm not.

I know other people out there have it worse, but this is no fucking cakewalk either.

Comments

[valkyriejack.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[waterspyder.livejournal.com]

I don't actually feel bad, but it just frustrates me to explain to people. *hugs*

You guys caught me on a good day (and that is one of the things I would much rather spend my good days on)

[valkyriejack.livejournal.com]

Trust me, you got me on a good day too... I'm in a not so good mood now, but that's probably girly PMS shit... *grumbles*

[waterspyder.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I dont' get PMS anymore, but it's one of those things that will be forever etched into memory of how it was.

The weather also blows. We should all be snuggled in beds with our significant others or at least people we care about.

[valkyriejack.livejournal.com]

That's the thing... Snuggles don't come easy right now... *sighs wistfully*

[waterspyder.livejournal.com]

I know. I remember wishing people could simultaneously leave me alone and snuggle me at the same time.

[valkyriejack.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

[simply-fiendish.livejournal.com]

I hate how some people's attitude is almost like, "If it isn't physical, like cancer or something, then it's not a real illness." I hate being told it's all in my head, or people say,"Oh well you look okay to me," and feel I have no right to be on disability. Some have accused me of using the system or that I am truly not trying to get better.
Even some in the medical field are prejudice. I went to a doctor for help when I first realized something was wrong, he told me to go for a walk or start an exercise regime. Excuse me? I realize the physical activity does help to an extent but I was way beyond that point. I also hate seeing a doctor about a physical ailment, they find out about my illness and don't take me seriously, they brush it off like it's in my head. Some people just say I'm the type that is happiest when I am miserable.
To them I say, fuck you ignorant bastards.
I used to be much more happy, free, always looking for an adventure and independent and damn proud of it. Now I only leave my house out of necessity or if I am with someone. I have a hell of a time just walking to the mail box on my own.
Gee...wish way do you think I want to live?
*hugs*

[waterspyder.livejournal.com]

Even with Lupus, I still run across doctors who look at something that my body is doing, like a couple years ago I had this wierd rash on my toes, and they are like "It's the Lupus". Great... so what now? Well it's the Lupus. Does that change the fact that my feet look like they have necrotizing fascitis? Fix it! It was ridiculous that time too because I had been off my meds for like 2 years and wanted to go back on them, especially after the case of fugly feet and I had a hard time finding a doctor to prescribe the commonly accepted and basically only palliative treatment for it!