waterspyder | (no subject)

Apparently my mother is going to be difficult about my wedding after all.

I really hate it when she does this.

At Christmas she held a wrapped gift in her hands, and said "I don't think you'll like this", before handing me the gift. "If you don't want it, I'll find you something else."
Geez that doesn't skew a person's ability to objectively decide whether they like the gift or not.
It was a watch. A nice watch with multiple bands.
And for 2 days, she went on about the fucking watch and how much she didn't like it and how much she didn't think I liked it. She finally shut up when I said "Do you want the watch for yourself?" No. "Can you return the watch to the store?" No. "Well, you sure make it hard to like something. I like the watch, but you make me not want to have it."
The sad thing is I probably won't wear it now because all I can think about is my mother being enurotic when I look at the watch.

So how does this relate to the wedding?

Well, she brings up places I can't have my wedding at, when I point out pros and cons of a venue, she immediately dismisses the location when I list the first disadvantage.

This is not my usual mother, but damned if she doesn't get bizarre when it comes to gifts and special occasions. I wish she understood that it's precisely this sort of behaviour that will make me either not want to have a wedding at all, or not want her to be there.

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*cough*elope*cough*

Serious advice... don't ask her opinion, tell her where it is going to be and how it is going to go. (I am assuming that you are paying for it yourself.)

Many women get stupid about weddings, even weddings that aren't theirs. I don't know why.

She's offering to pay $6000 on the wedding. I have come to accept that these things cost money, and I would prefer if it wasn't mine.

If she keeps it up, I will gladly elope, beg forgiveness of those it upsets, and reduce my stress level drastically.

I mean, really it'll only cost $3000 to go to Burning Man, get hitched in Nevade by some hippie in a loincloth who is really an ordained minister, and my wedding photos will be much more awesome than the manufactured and arranged wedding photos on terraced landscapes.

Money seems to give people the idea that they can dictate terms. Never a gift, always a loan where the payback isn't usually cash. I hate that. Luckily Draco and I managed to avoid that pleasure.

What do you want for your wedding? (just curious)

Low stress

I want people to show up to witness my committment to Josh (and presumably his committment to me also). I don't care where, or what they wear, but a fun party afterwards might be nice. I didn't want a white dress (however borrowing a perfectly fitting, well-made wedding dress means I'll concede on that point).

Maybe I'll stick to my $4000 I'll have ready for it, have a Hoser Wedding and get Bob and Doug impersontors to marry us. It'll be garish and mortify people, and that will make it funny to me (situations where people are overcome by manners and propriety, and then forced to deal with a different set of rules, amuses me greatly).

Low stress - Those weddings are great. It is your day after all.

I am pretty certain that our wedding was under $4000. (I really can't remember what it cost but it wasn't expensive.)

My mom has also expressed that some of her friends want to come, so I also made it clear to her that she's responsible for them - financially and otherwise - because my wedding is not about them, and I'd rather invite firends I see 6 times a year, than her friends that I've seen 6 times in my life.

God, I sound bitter already.

I can understand that. My sister's mother-in-law invited 7 new people to my sister's wedding one month before the wedding. My sister nearly killed her.

(deleted comment)

You can wear whatever you like... which also holds true for wherever we get married.

Sounds good, eh? Flannel and toques. Beer and back bacon. Works for me.

The only thing I want from your wedding is the opportunity to be there. If I go to Burning Man, do I have to be naked? (cause that's just not fair to other people)

You can wear whatever you like... which also holds true for wherever we get married.

(You're moving your posts!)

No, LJ's moving my posts. I try to reply in one place, and it inserts me after the wrong comment. Weird.

Sounds a bit like my mom who told me she couldn't see us during x mas because she is spending it with her abusive, convict ex husband Who has served more than one sentence behind bars where she had laid charges-only you mom seems a wee bit better. :P She is your mom, you have to invite her to your wedding-if you do accept $ then I guess you know it may come with conditions...

but at the end of the day it is your call

I love finding out about other people's families!
Josh just got treated to the story of "How I introduced my fiancée to the faimly for the first time" from my uncle. It involved a full-on family brawl in the backyard during an engagement party, involving a hatchet and butcher knives. Classy.

Actually now that you mention it, I should really do the wedding on my budget... suddenly recalling the "Of course we can pay your tuition for University" lesson.*

*and if by "pay" you meant "contribute $1000 annually", then we'll pay the full amount for 3 years.

If your getting married at buring man you need to give me plenty of notice so I can save enough cash to be there.

Kerry sweetie, I would love to be at any wedding you have (from uptight and formal to loose and lovin it, as I've seen those two extremes already) I just want to be there with you, and see how happy you two are. And I swear I'd leave the animals at home (unless you wanted me to bring a couple of the odd ones just to freak out your mom/the uptight ones)

> Geez that doesn't skew a person's ability to objectively decide whether
> they like the gift or not.

...your mother is reminding me of my future mother-in-law. Mind you, I'm used to this kind of speech, so it doesn't throw me.

For the rest, the only thing I can suggest is not involving her in the selection of the venue. At all. Can you give her something else to do, like chasing down the RSVPs people should have sent for the invitations, or getting quotes and brochures from florists?

Good call on the florists. I'll put mom in charge of flowers and bonbonnieres.

I already gave the very daunting task of researching wedding protocol to my bridesmaid that was insisting my Maid of Honour is supposed to help me plan my wedding, (I think she may have been vying for a title change).

The Maid of Honour is planning the stag/jack-and-jill/night of debauchery and consults me on such things as "Would you prefer the Brass Rail or Zanzibar?". There is a reason she is my Maid of Honour.