waterspyder

A friend of mine messaged me yesterday, it was probably the first time one of us had reached out to the other in 18 months. We had had a fight over the phone. The subject of the argument is something that is trivial, and yet remained a sore point with me for a long time. He had just been diagnosed with 5 small brain tumours and was trying to tell me how to live my life and care for my health to the point where he made certain threats against my professional endeavours. I got really upset. I felt like I had been caring for myself fairly well, and most importantly, while we may have the same disease, I am not him.

And time went by and I was worried that he was dying, and still I could not bring myself to call him.
His birthday went by, and still I could not call him.
This is a man who asked me to be his best woman at his wedding (before he found out the husband-to-be had developed a heroin problem), and I could not call him.

And so he messaged me last night wondering how I had been and I said I was sorry. I was sorry that I couldn't bring myself to call him, sorry that it took me so long to get over it, sorry that when it didn't matter anymore, I wasn't sure how to find him, sorry that I had let things get so far that I didn't know if one of my closest friends in life was alive or dead.

So now it looks like I get another chance to be his friend seeing as he's beaten cancer for his 4th time.

no subject

There is little in the world of human emotion that compares to the feeling you get when you renew a friendship thought lost - especially one lost to strife or mistake. Not quite relief, not quite joy but somehow something more....like something has been misaligned in your heart too long and is now put straight.

Good for you on being willing to talk to him, even though he hurt you. It speaks to your character. As for the delay, don't beat yourself up too much over it, sometimes it takes a while for things to heal - especially when the wound is made by someone we care for deeply and the blow is under the armor where we are at our most tender.